I was teaching a college class on Marriage and Family years ago. Early in the book was a chapter which addressed parental bonding. After class, I spoke (gently, I thought) to one of the students (who was active duty navy and mother of a newborn as well as a student) about perhaps postponing the classes until she had more hands-on time with her baby. She was furious with me. “I have hired an excellent baby-sitter. Who are you to question my decisions and judgment?” Clearly, she felt capable of doing everything while I only saw a woman whose life was out of balance.
Here it is, three decades later, and I’m wondering what we women have learned since then about balance and “having it all.” Well, last Wednesday, I attended a Chamber of Commerce women’s conference at which I met a woman who is CEO of a business, newly-elected president of her professional organization, and the breast feeding mother of a four-month-old baby. I wanted to ask, “Why?” but this time I kept my mouth shut, even as she headed to the women’s restroom to pump and save milk before running back to the session at which she was a panelist.
Some of you, I’m sure, disagree with me, thinking women can have it all. Actually, I agree that we can, just not all at once. I’ve worked full-time, part-time, volunteered, raised our son mostly alone while my navy husband was deployed, rented and owned houses, been broke and pleasantly well-off, cared for my ailing mother, served on boards of directors, and stayed mostly sane along the way. At this point, I see a very full life when everything is added up. The fullness came over time, though, not all at once.
Balance in life is elusive, and I think we sometimes put ourselves unnecessarily out of whack by taking on too much at once. Be sure to ask yourself some questions before taking on another task or responsibility, such as: Do I need to do this now, or can it wait? If I take this on, will I have the time with family and friends that I want and need? Is it fair to all those who will be affected, like my spouse and children? And the very basic, Will I have time to sleep?