Have you met this uncivil woman? She’s convinced that “it’s all about me,” is impatient, doesn’t listen, fans public fears, constantly assign labels to people, reacts emotionally with little rational thought, has little or no self-control, yet conveys an attitude of superiority. She’s certain that “I’m right” and insists on getting her own way. Facts don’t matter; she has morally destructive patterns of self-absorption; is callous and manipulative; expresses her angry feelings as angry and aggressive behavior; has flimsy moral armament; caters to basic instincts; is self-serving vs caring about the common good; makes personal attacks, criticizing character vs discussing issues; is materialistic, confrontational and prone to name-calling. She sees issues in black and white. She has an utter lack of respect for others who are different and is dismissive of views that don’t coincide with hers.
Yes, this woman is a caricature I invented, though I have met a couple people who came close to epitomizing this sad description. Incivility is sometimes described as “the illusion that we travel life alone.” Is this the kind of citizen who will enable democracy to function? Or do we need people who are the opposite – who are civil in their ability to listen to others’ viewpoints without assigning labels; strive for inclusiveness and acceptance despite differences? There’s a humility in such people, empathy, and a willingness to sacrifice personal wants for the greater good of the community. Such women believe it morally proper to treat people with respect, seeing themselves and others as “passengers on the same train” in life.
It’s not easy being civil, but in a democracy, it’s essential. “Personal choice” would not be an option under a dictator; instead, we must collectively decide what benefits our communities, our states, our nation. Civility allows us to do the hard work required of us as citizens.
by Kathleen Vestal Logan, MS, MA May 19, 2017