Every change involves a story. “Change” was the topic last week for my Pathways for Change class which includes women in drug and alcohol treatment as well as their mentors. I handed cards to three women, asking them to line up in the normal progression of a story. They did: BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END.
Then I said, “But in making a change, what do you get first?” They thought, then Susan, who was holding END, moved to the first position. “Why did you do that?” I asked. “Because it’s the end of what used to be, what you used to do,” she replied.
“So what comes next?” MIDDLE moved next to Susan. “What comes last?” BEGINNING took her place at the end.
We talked about how the END comes first because you’re doing something new, different. These women were leaving drug and alcohol use behind. People in recovery consistently say that they can’t hang out with their “friends” anymore because it turns out they were drinking or drug “buddies.” Without drinks or drugs, there was no reason for the relationship. However, that can leave women feeling isolated and vulnerable.
MIDDLE turns out to be the danger zone. A woman is neither where she used to be, nor at her goal of sobriety. It’s a very uncomfortable time, feeling suspended between the past and an unknown future. This is where relapse can happen. Susan’s eyes got wide and she held the END sign over her face. “What’s wrong, Susan?” I asked. The sign lowered a bit. “I can’t go back to the END. I just can’t do that again. I’ve got to keep going.” She was clearly frightened at the prospect of relapse.
Eventually, if the women work hard and endure the challenges of feeling ungrounded in the MIDDLE, they will reach a new BEGINNING, and they will have made the change a new story in their lives.
by Kathleen Vestal Logan, MS, MA August 13, 2018