Polycystic disease. It’s a genetic kidney disease inherited by males in the family. A month ago, my nephew, who has been on dialysis for months, had a kidney removed a month ago (and the one they left doesn’t function, either). Next week, he and his sister, my niece, will have surgery in which she donates one of her kidneys to him. This is major surgery and, really, a family crisis. However, we aunts, uncles and cousins are scattered around the country. How could we support them? Emails and well-wishes only go so far.
My nephew has been on disability for several months, and my niece will have to take weeks off her job, so both families’ finances have been affected. Also, they have young children. That helped us reach a decision. We pooled our checks in a “thinking of you” card to each of them, writing a note, as well. It said, “We have all been thinking hard and long about how best to support you and your family as you go through surgery and recovery. If we lived nearby, we’d be cookin’ and cleanin’ up a storm, but we don’t. So…we decided to ‘cook’ for you from afar! Please use the enclosed checks to buy prepared meals or whatever else you need. Home delivery, perhaps. Or baby sitters. May our love lift you up!” My sister, their mother, is paying to have their homes cleaned, too.
Surely they will feel surrounded by family in spirit, and heartened as they go through this crisis. It’s not always easy to know how to support someone you care for, but there is always something practical to do. We eventually figured it out on our own, but sometimes it’s a good idea just to ask: “I want to be helpful, so please tell me, what do you need?” You can help your family get through a crisis.