I felt like I failed. I’ve been working with a group of women “ordered” to the class as a result of court actions. Most of them have children in foster homes and very stressful lives. Yesterday, one woman in particular could not (or would not) participate productively in the session. She sucked the air out of the room. No matter which issue I tried to help her deal with – hunger, sleep, ugly texts from her husband – she kept collapsing emotionally to the point that I ran out of ideas. Suddenly, two other women jumped up and seemed poised to do physical battle. I pounded my fists on the table. “STOP!” I yelled. Two women ran out of the room and didn’t return. Six remained, and I had to go on.
The session was on “Stress Management,” totally appropriate to their lives. I used the situation when describing how to use a stress relief decision making flow chart. Step by step, they helped me figure out whether to “let it go” or pick one of my other options. “This was very stressful for me,” I confessed. “I’m not a yeller.” I got through the session for which I had had such high hopes, but the positive energy seemed to have left the room with the fracas.
On the drive home, I questioned myself: Why did this happen? Have I fooled myself into thinking I’m a good facilitator? Do I need to be subjecting myself to this challenge?
I had to redirect my self-talk, thinking instead: Nothing like this has ever happened before. Staff had warned you of the one woman’s out-of-control behavior in other classes, so it’s not just you. Doing this fits your purpose in life – helping woman improve their lives. You can talk with the staff to share your concerns and make recommendations for improvement. You did not fail!