What makes a memorial service satisfying? My husband and I have gone to many over the years, but they often aren’t very meaningful. Sometimes I’ve walked out thinking, “That could have been anybody’s service. It had nothing personal at all.” In the week since we returned from Norfolk, Virginia, where we went to attend a friend’s service, I’ve been wondering what made his different – and better.
Part of it was that so many family and friends came from far and near. We gathered in small and large groups over several days, getting to know each other, or remembering those days when we were together. But it was the service itself that stands out in importance. It was held at Al’s church of forty years. His eighteen-year-old grandson spoke first, making everyone laugh with his tale of when his “Da” told him, “I slept with your grandmother the first day we met.” Of course, years passed before the grandson learned that his grandparents were on an overnight school trip on a bus. Al’s daughter spoke next, saying, “I only heard about the bus this week!” She described a supportive, encouraging father and a lawyer helping people after he retired from the navy.
My husband, who had been Al’s Executive Officer when the squadron transitioned from F-4s to F-14s, spoke next, covering Al’s years on active duty, naming shipmates, describing his leadership capabilities, and the tumultuous situations he dealt with.
The minister spoke last, covering Al’s faith journey and other facets of his life. I never knew his father had died when he was eight, leaving him and his brother to be raised by their mother. He was only able to finish college when he was awarded an ROTC scholarship after his freshman year.
When it was over, we all had a complete picture of a good man’s life well lived. Humor, information, memories, pathos, fellowship – all of this contributed to making Al’s a most satisfying memorial service.
by Kathleen Vestal Logan, MS, MA March 31, 2017