Rejection is painful. Just because it’s a normal part of life doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, either. Is there anything you can do to help yourself recover?
First, rejection is a loss, so allow yourself to grieve. When my “perfect” book proposal was rejected, I quit writing for a week, allowing myself time to absorb the professional pain. Many years ago, my then-fiance called off our engagement. I was devastated in a totally different way. I felt like I had lost my future and couldn’t see what could replace it. When my college roommate cut me out of her life, I mourned how close we had been. For my friend whose children are essentially “shunning” her and her husband, the grief is deep.
Try not to wallow in the rejection. After a week of not writing, I adjusted my attitude and got busy seeking another agent/publisher and found one within a few weeks. With the cancelled engagement, I wallowed for a couple years, sad to say. With my college roommate, I simply decided to stop trying to reconcile. With my friend, I honestly don’t know what to do other than to be patient with her and hope the relationships will improve eventually.
Talk with someone you trust or a professional counselor. As I look back, I know that I could have benefited from seeing a counselor after the broken engagement. I was truly stuck, and talking with friends just didn’t help; professional support and guidance would have aided me in regrouping and regaining my self-esteem more quickly. As for my friend, I listen to her talk about her adult children, first sympathizing, then encouraging her to keep looking to a more positive future with them. “Letting go” isn’t an option.
Look ahead, picturing the day when you will have grieved, accepted the rejection, and become whole again. Envisioning the future you want helps you recover from rejection. You can do it.
by Kathleen Vestal Logan, M.S., M.A. August 4, 2017