“STOP!” I yelled, banging my fists on the table. The group I was leading had suddenly dissolved into chaos, with one woman emotionally and verbally out of control, and two others crossing the room toward each other, seemingly ready to fight. Two of the three fled the room, the other sat down and composed herself, ready to participate again. I said, “I’m not a yeller. This is not normal behavior for me,” and continued, all the while feeling miserable. These were women in the class as part of their recovery from addiction. They had to attend if they wanted their children to be returned to them from foster care.
I finished the class, but felt dejected all the way home. “I’ve never had anything like this happen. I thought I was more skilled than this.” I was disappointed in myself and questioned my ability to continue with the group. Obviously, my self-esteem had taken a big hit.
I consider self-esteem our “psychological blood,” believing it to be as essential to our mental well-being as red blood is to our physical health. So what did I do to regain the confidence to keep going? When I got home, I took out my lesson plan on self-esteem, reminding myself what I could do to recover. Of the options, I first chose to exercise. That helped relieve my stress and put some mental space between me and the situation. Next, I deliberately used self-talk, choosing what to tell myself inside my head: “This was an aberration. Their behavior resulted partly from their addiction. You are a qualified group leader.”
Next, I took action, talked with the program leaders and we came up with specific things they could do, too. They determined, for example, that the emotionally distraught woman just wasn’t ready for this group.; interns were empowered to leave the room; they created a way to signal for help. It’s a new program and we’re all still learning.
I regained my self-esteem. Proof? I’m working with another new group.
by Kathleen Vestal Logan, MS, MA June 2, 2017