How can you get over being shy and expand your life? I’ll share some tips that have worked for me:
Sit in front of the room. I always sat in back, trying to hide, but when called on, everyone turned around to stare at me and I froze. If you’re up front, you don’t see all of those other people so they’re not as intimidating. As a bonus, you concentrate better and learn more.
Reframe how you see yourself. Instead of the label “shy,” for example, use the word “quiet.” Another might be “thoughtful.” I am still a quiet person, even if no longer shy. I’ve learned to accept myself as such and often am treated as a confidante because I’m a good listener.
In that same vein, focus on the other person by asking questions of her. You can always start with the weather and go from there! The basics, such as, “Where do you work? Where did you go to school? What’s your favorite hobby? Do you have children?” all serve as conversation starters and take the attention off you. Be genuinely interested in the person, and keep your eyes on her during your chat. Nothing says you don’t care like looking over her shoulder at what else is going on behind her back.
Look approachable. Watch your body language. When we were dating, my future husband was always saying, “Smile!” because apparently my appearance said I wasn’t friendly. Also, crossed arms say, “Stay away,” so find something else to do with them. Hold your purse with one hand, for example, and let the other arm hang by your side. Be the first to put out your hand when you meet someone, too, an easy indication of your desire to connect.
Breathe deeply and slowly as you walk into an anxiety-producing situation; that slows down the stress response symptoms such as a racing heart, blushing, or tense body.
Go where there are small groups. That may be a Sunday School class, for instance, where relationships will grow over time. Follow your interests, too, as being with people who enjoy what you do naturally leads to conversations and discussions whose focus is on the topic, not you. If you volunteer, people will appreciate you and make an extra effort to make you feel welcome.
Getting over being shy takes time, so stay positive as you try some of these suggestions. The more you genuinely focus on other people, the less you will experience acute episodes of debilitating shyness. I still have my moments, especially in big groups of people I’m meeting for the first time. I just proceed to introduce myself to the first person I see standing alone, because I know what that person is likely feeling. Shy.